More Than Words: What Prayer Really Is, and How to Actually Do It

Most of us know we're supposed to pray. We've heard it in sermons, seen it in bumper stickers, maybe even said grace at dinner a few thousand times. But how many of us actually feel like we know what we're doing when we bow our heads?

The notion of a two-way conversation with a God you can't literally see or hear can feel confusing and frustrating. That's completely normal. Even Jesus' own disciples, the people who walked with him every single day, had to stop and ask: "Lord, teach us to pray." So if you've felt lost or like you're not quite getting it right, you're in good company.

The simplest explanation of Christian prayer is a conversation between you and God. This conversation can be about anything, and it can include other people, like prayers shared at church or said before a meal. That's it. No secret formula, no magic words.

Why Bother Praying at All?

Here's a question worth sitting with: if God already knows everything, why do we even need to tell him anything?

What prayer does is change us. God doesn't need us, but we pray because we need Him. Praying is a primary means for us to deepen and enrich our relationship with Him.

That's the real answer. Prayer isn't about updating God on your situation. It's about aligning your heart with his. Prayer aligns our heart with God's heart. It helps us to desire his will. Our hearts need to be continuously renewed and transformed so that we become more like Jesus. If we're not praying, our hearts can't be renewed.

And there's something else. As we take the time to praise God for all He has done in the past - the answered prayers, the impossible situations overcome, the healings and grace - our faith to believe for even greater answers to prayer grows stronger and more confident. Praise opens the gates of heaven and should always be part of our alone time with God.

The Different Kinds of Prayer

Prayer isn't one-size-fits-all. Think of it less like a phone call format and more like an ongoing relationship - sometimes you vent, sometimes you say thank you, sometimes you just sit together quietly.

Prayer is simply talking with God. It can involve praise and adoration, thanksgiving, petition, repentance, and intercession. Each of these serves a real purpose.

Intercession is one that often gets overlooked, but it's incredibly powerful. The intercession of Christians recognizes no limitations - praying "for all men, for kings and all who are in high positions, for persecutors, for the salvation of those who reject the Gospel." In short, prayer of intercession consists in asking on behalf of another. It knows no boundaries and even extends to one's enemies.

Meditation, on the other hand, engages our head and heart in seeking a deeper union with God. It enables us to slow down and quiet our hearts so that we can hear God's voice and communicate with God in a deeper way.

When Should You Pray?

The short answer? Always. There is never a wrong time to pray. God is always listening, so we can "pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

But what does that look like practically? In Psalm 55:17, King David said he would pray in the "evening, and morning, and at noon." There's wisdom in building anchored prayer into your day, even if it's just a few minutes. And sometimes prayer is a lot shorter than a structured quiet time.

Nehemiah held a powerful position at that time as cupbearer to the king of Persia. When the king saw he was sad and asked what he needed, before answering, he "prayed to the God of heaven." (Nehemiah 2:4) A split-second, silent prayer before a hard conversation. That counts.

God wants to hear from you when you're happy, or sad, or if you just need someone to talk to. You can pray whenever you feel like it or need it. In fact, if you don't feel like praying, or feel like God doesn't want to hear from you, that might be one of the best times to pray.

How to Pray: The Part Nobody Talks About

There's a lot of focus on what to say in prayer. But when we think about prayer, listening isn't generally the first thing that comes to mind. But prayer is communion with God - and that requires that we listen to what's on God's heart in addition to expressing what's on our own.

So how does God actually speak? Seek out quiet time for prayer and reflection, actively engage with Scripture, and be open to the possibility of God speaking through the people in your life. The more you practice listening, the clearer His voice will become.

Meditate on Scripture: after studying Scripture, choose one verse, phrase, or word upon which to meditate. Ponder it and slowly repeat it. Ask the Lord what He wants to say to you.

And when the words just won't come? Don't stress. When the right words are hard to find, we are told that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us (Romans 8:26). The simple act of opening to God allows the Spirit to enter.

Here's the thing about prayer: you don't graduate from it. You don't get to a point where you've figured it out and can coast. The aim is not to become an expert on prayer but simply to move deeper into a relationship with your Father in heaven. As with most other relationships, the things you talk to God about will develop as your trust in Him grows.

So start where you are. Say what's real. Be quiet long enough to listen. And keep showing up - because not a single prayer slips by God, because there's no time of day He isn't listening. God heard you ten years ago, and He heard you last week, and He hears you right now, and He's already listening for you tomorrow.